Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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