I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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