My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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