i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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