it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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