Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
being pregnant is like rehab
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
