I can't watch pbs sober anymore
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
