I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
