You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
