I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
