If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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