I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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