Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
