I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
