My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
