Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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