Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
