I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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