dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
