The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
