He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
