wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
