we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
