Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
