Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
