I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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