3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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