cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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