i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
