sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
