If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
