Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
