So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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