apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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