He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
