i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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