How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
