Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
