found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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