From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
