I can't watch pbs sober anymore
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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