So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
