I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
