i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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