I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
how drunk are you?
Several
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
