Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
