Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
