I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
