I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
