Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
