i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
