Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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