sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
