I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
